And then she smiled...

I found this picture off of a website yesterday and it made me smile.

This is me just over a year ago.

On my way to the Ukraine, ready to see God move.

Fast forward just days and I had seen God so much through SO MANY things.

At this point I had decided, just probably a day before that if there was no reply from Mercy Ships when I got home (I had applied in November/December and it was now late March) - that I had heard God wrong, and I would obviously be doing something different after graduating.

I remember getting home after the best two weeks of my life (also two of the hardest weeks) and asking my Mom if there was any mail for me. She handed me things from different schools and YWAM's and such stuff and my heart sank. I realized that somehow, my prayers that I thought had led me to the ship were wrong and God was calling me elsewhere. I was so discouraged.

The next day I checked my email and as I scrolled through the many emails I'd gotten while being away, I read one that said (or something like this) "Mercy Ships Acceptance Letter". I'm pretty sure I screamed! It had never crossed my mind that I would receive anything through email. I quickly opened it and read it.

All along I had felt pretty strongly that I would be going for possibly 3 months, maybe more, and probably starting in January. I had applied for 6-8 months starting anytime after September just to have something down, but I had no idea.
I read through and saw that I had been accepted to start in September for 8 months! Wow! That was so God. Looking back, I would have never changed this much if I had come in January. I can't imagine now having left home when I did.

These past months have been some of the hardest of my life in so many ways, and yet the most rewarding as well.

Today I checked my countdown on Facebook and saw that in I think 22 days I will be driving away from this ship. I will go to the airport and beg for them to let me take my two bags onto my one bag limit flight (definitely a prayer point if anyone out there has kept me in their prayers)!!! Then I'll head home. Away from this place that has consumed my every moment for the past 7 months!

Wow!
I didn't exactly plan when posting for this to get so reflective, but, whatever. Your fault for reading I guess ;)

So to explain these many pictures.

The top one obviously was as I said, a year ago, when I was young and yet so old in my own mind, all ready to go to Ukraine where I was stretched further than I can explain. I saw God multiply gift bags, and lost a large part of my heart there.

The second picture was of my beautiful Patricia. This little girl captured my heart a few weeks ago, and I haven't been able to go back to the orphanage. I did though on Saturday, and much to my absolute delight - she recognized me. I love the picture because she isn't looking at the camera - she's looking into my eyes. Wow! My heart is gone yet again.

The third picture is of my blue hand after painting! Most of it is gone, but a few places will not leave. I looked rather like a smurf!

The fourth picture is of three of the chicks from the orphanage. SO CUTE!

The next one is just fun. I found a program so I can edit pics so I played around a fair bit and like how it worked. I wish I'd found this program months ago. At home I edit pictures way way more, so it was fun to find a way to completely change the colour schemes and edit! Maybe it's good that I didn't find it until now!

The next is from a birthday party. Two of my friends here on the ship Emma and Peter had their birthdays so we had some fun with a huge group!

This lovely group of ladies is my 'family' here on ship. We've adopted ourselves. Most of the girls are from our 'band' as I posted last time!

I started crying a bit today when I considered the future. I've been so worried about it, and God's so faithfully been telling me SO LOUDLY that I don't need to worry. Every single thing I've read this week in the devotional book I'm going through has talked about giving God my load, how He has a plan, and to trust in Him.

Thanks God!

Even reading through other people's blogs I get encouraged.

Tonight at my Bible study we watched a video called 'Kickball'. We're going through the Nooma series and it's just another way God's taught me. Today was about how we go through tough times and God has something better for us later on. The verse to go to was one that I'd read last night about giving God my load.

Thank you Jesus!

I think the strongest thing God is teaching me is that my life is His. And I've realized that I actually want Him to lead me.

He's showing me that His way is not mine, and that I will not be living a mundane life if I give it to Him, and that's alright.

Holy Blessed Saviour

My hearts on a string
Every time you watch me sing
Because I know
That you know
Everything

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

My souls’ on the line
Every time I get a rhyme
Because I know
That you know
Everything

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

Holy Blessed Saviour
All my praise to You
You are my reason to even be here today
So let everything I say
Cry Holy Blessed Saviour

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

So I say,
Everyday,
Holy Blessed Saviour

Nadine Schroeder
March 11th, 2008

God is so good! His perspective shows beginning to end with everything in between, before, and after. My perspective shows yesterday, where I see that He has been faithful, today, where I pray that He will be with me, and tomorrow, when I trust that He will be faithful.

Friday night out was fun with friends. We went out to a restaurant with 13 of us, and it was fun.

The food was good - the people were great. Lots of laughter and funny moments.

Many rather interesting memories made! It was a good start to the weekend.
A few of us have 'adopted' ourselves together into a family. We played some music on the weekend, and learned that being a band together is probably not our calling - but it was definately fun!

Easter was beautiful on the ship. I worked on Saturday and Sunday so I was a part of decorating our dining room into a beautiful place. Lots came up during set-up so I had to run around the ship doing other work, but it was amazing to see the transformation. The downfall of working was not being able to leave the ship or participate in some things, but it was made up for by having Tuesday and Wednesday off.

I'll add some pictures once I've uploaded them about today.

It was a great day filled with a lunch out with some girls and then dinner out for two birthdays.

The flowers at Easter were beautiful. I took some funky coloured pictures, and I just love the flowers. We so rarely see them here, so some of the crew worked hard getting us stuff.

I love you all and miss you and can't wait to see you!

Comment and update me on how you are!!

It covers me.

Yet again, God has just been so constant and faithful to me. I'm just, I'm so thankful for Him. Even on the days when I don't sense Him, I know He's here, because peace comes; eventually at least.

God has given me two songs this week which summarize His incredible love for me, even throughout my simple turmoil, and yours as well.

Don’t worry about it

My dear precious child,
You’ve got a lot on your mind
You’re not sleeping through the night
Tomorrow seems daunting
Even thought it’s not here yet, it’s haunting you
But don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

My dear precious child,
I have a plan for you life
So why do you lie awake?
Questioning my omniscient power
Your thoughts are cowering over you
But don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

Does worrying add a second to your day?
No, it simply steals another away.
I came and I have never left
Trust in me, and be filled with peace
And don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

So don’t worry about it
Don’t worry about it
Don’t worry about it

Nadine Schroeder - March 19th, 2008

Love

My soul is on the floor
My heart just walked out the door
My mind is in a disarray
My body wants to run away.

When I get to this point the only option is to
Get down on my knees and hear the voice that says to me

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

My soul is unaware
My hearts barely there
My mind is at stake
My body just needs a break

When I get to this point the only option is to
Get down on my knees and hear the voice that says to me

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

You are loved by the King
He created everything
So open up your heart and soul.
He’s beckoning

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

Nadine Schroeder

March 21st, 2008

I can't say I know what'll happen tomorrow, either the one that will come after this sleep, or the ones that will come in fall, but I'm learning that it's okay to live for today. It's actually the best thing to do.

I can mourn yesterday forever, and sometimes that is completely necessary, but God's comfort comes when we need it, and slowly we can get up off the floor and receive His love.

I hope you all are having a great Easter weekend. Mine has been rather good. I played the song, 'Why' by Nichole Nordeman yesterday in the Good Friday service and sang on the worship team. It was fun to simply sing. Sometimes I get too comfortable because I have the piano to rely on and kinda hide behind, but it was good. I got to sing harmony, which I love doing, so it was good.

I love you all and miss you!

See you soon!!!!

Restless

The past week I have been insanely restless.
I can't begin to explain it but it's just, I just questioned so much about next year, but God is SO faithful and just keeps showing me that He's in control.
He's reminding me that He's already got my summer plans set from May 1st to August 15th so why am I worried about months away?
He's reminding me that the only thing I need to ask of Him is wisdom because His wisdom is more valuable than gold and silver and rubies and anything I can desire (Proverbs 8).
He's reminding me that spending 15 minutes with Him is not giving Him enough time. I need to put my whole entire day and life on the line for Him. Living for this moment with Him, cherishing each time I feel Him, and just breathing for Him.
He's showing me that He is the God of suprises and unexpected joy. Today I got a package from Lynette than she had sent in December. I never expected it to come. But it did! I got to watch Lucas and Sarah and Jillian and Carrie and Tom and Lynette and just love them. I got to hear their silly kid comments and watch Tom act like a kid while geting Jill's hair to stick up from his fuzzy sweater. I got to hear them roar. I got to watch Carrie crawl, Sarah and Jilli dance, and hear all about Jilli's future plans (which involve washing the dishes and being a pirate, taking occasional walks, living in a house, and of course taking baths and going swimming).
He's showing me that He is in control and He is with me, and to worry is not to gain.
He's showing me that He's going to have to remind me of all this again in about 5 seconds!
38 days till I get to Canada!!!

How can I write you a symphony without a pen?
Cause here I am, once again.
Full of words that can never say enough
To You, my King my Christ my Jesus

Can you hear my heart?
It’s beating for you
Because of you
Do you feel my hand?
It’s grasping for yours
Waiting here
Will you take my life?
Cause it’s yours to mould
Yours to change

Why have you given me a song but only an audience?
Of One, You are here.
Listening to me speak too many unworthy words
To You, my Lord my Saviour my God

Can you hear my heart?
It’s beating for you
Because of you
Do you feel my hand?
It’s grasping for yours
Waiting here
Will you take my life?
Cause it’s yours to mould
Yours to change

I don’t want to live this life it it’s mundane
If I’m not a flame Burning for Your glory
Because by myself I am nothing
But through Your love, Your blood, I am free

Can you hear my heart?

It’s beating for you

Because of you

Do you feel my hand?

It’s grasping for yours

Waiting here

Will you take my life?

Cause it’s yours to mould

Yours to change

Hear my heart

Nadine Schroeder

Written March 14th, 2008

39 days till I leave and 43 until I arrive.

This scares me a bit. The title of this blog.
All of a sudden, part of me isn't ready to leave. Yet, more of me is.
This will be a rambly post. Sorry for that.
But since it's only about 6 people that read it, I figure I'll be forgiven.
This has been a different week than normal.
I worked in sales because they were short-staffed and that was a lot of fun. Well, it was fun until Wednesday night.
I can't remember if I posted back in December about this, but I had to take medication for a parasite, and it made me rather sick and sleepy back then and I had to take my second dose again now.
I was putting it off and trying to figure out when would be a good time to be sick (isn't that horrible!) and for a bad reason, I took it on Wednesday. I was grumpy, and figured that I may as well get sick too!
As I was swallowing the many pills, I was also praying hard that God would help me to swallow them because they were large and plentiful! Within fifteen minutes I was asleep, and already by then, I felt horrible. I work up in the morning feeling horrible. I phoned into work and left a message saying that I couldn't come. I set my alarm for 9 to see if I would be better, but not yet then. I reset it for noon, but decided to keep sleeping. The next time I woke up it was 4:30. I had slept over 18 hours!
I easily could have kept sleeping, but chose to get up so that I would sleep again later.
It's wierd to miss a day of your life. I feel like I could have done something, but wasn't able to.
I went to sleep not too too late but then couldn't sleep steadily through the night and was awake from about 3 on, with random burst of sleep.
This morning I woke up to go to work and was sent away and told to get better. I guess I can be thankful for co-workers who care about my well-being, but I felt bad just doing nothing all day. I watched a few movies so that was nice. I just kind of sat around. I don't usually do that, so it was good. Most weekends, when I should be resting from my week I go out and do stuff because it's the right thing to do, but my body rarely is resting, so it was good.
The sweet thing is the get well character of the ship. Everybody somehow knows that I have been sick! I have received many sympathetic glances! They make me laugh. Some people seem to question my sickness, as I do as well, but most people just look at me and can tell that I'm not well. It's funny how the people who are parents are the ones who can tell the most. They see that I'm lacking colour and not myself.
But now I'm feeling a lot better. I can tell that I'm not exactly myself, but I'm on my way.
So. 39 days from now I'll step on a plane.
Wow! I can barely even fathom it because it's so far away and yet so close and yeah. Home seems so very far away, but it also seems to be getting closer.
11 thousand, 1 hundred, forty-two kilometers between me and you!
Soon to be less.
Soon my dear friends and family whom I miss SO much, I will see you.
I thought I was done at those words, but somehow I'll write more. Not somehow I guess, but for some reason I will.
Words seem to come quick lately. I have been writing so much. Last weekend I led a worship service here, and God was so evidently there. It was incredible. I get scared sometimes when I feel that God is preparing me for stuff because I want a mundane life. Isn't that horrible! I just want to live normal, but God' s telling me each day that He's got so much for me.
Rambling again. Sorry. Well, not sorry, but whatever!
Speaking of God, I am so in love with Him right now. I have never felt so close to God, and I have never spent so much time with Him, getting to know Him, feeling loved by Him, and being so very changed by Him.
A while ago I was talking with a girl on the ship, and I mentioned what I was going through, and she said, refinement. I think that sums it up. God is refining me into who He wants me to be, and I can't even fight it, because I want my desires to align with His.

I Need You

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I’m walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, oh I need You
Blessed savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill the every longing of my soul

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word

With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in

I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh how I love you more than life

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today
Your silence is like death to me
So won’t You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by

Its not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I’ve been lifted higher
Yahweh’s lifted me in His own strength

Oh how I love You Lord
I love your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure

Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay

I need You, oh I need You

The Swift- I Need You

Jesus, who is like you?

Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I, alone, nothing.
You are my strength when I am weak.
You are my treasure even when I do not seek
You are my love
You are my king
You are joy
You are my everything.
Nothing compares to you.
And nothing ever could.
And nothing ever should,
So why do I doubt?
Why am I here right now,
Singing this song to myself,
Crying myself not to sleep,
But awake again.
Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I, alone, nothing?
Am I alone, no?
You are here.
You are now.
You are everything to me.
You are yesterday.
You are tomorrow.
You are today.
You are faithful.
You are kind.
You are loving.
You are pure.
You are all that I want.
Even when I don’t know it.
You are my King.
You are my Lord.
You are, who I want to be.
Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I alone, nothing.
Am I alone, no.
Jesus, who is like you?
You alone.

Nadine Schroeder

March 3rd, 2008