And the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

And the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

I know I’ve been gone for a while
I know I haven’t been good at coming home
I know that you might not understand
But the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

Sometimes I slam it down quickly
Sometimes I sit for minutes until I hear the dial-tone
Sometimes the tears almost start to flow
Because the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

The days when I don’t get emails are tough
And the nights where I can’t sleep are rough
And the moments where I stare at your picture break my heart
But the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

So if I hang up quickly
Don’t think me too hasty
If I avoid calling
Don’t think of me as being alright
I’m only stopping the tears before they come
I’m only fighting the only way I know how

Because the hardest thing is
To say goodbye
To know it’ll be a while until I see you again.
The hardest thing is
To know that you’re alright without me
You’re functioning fine without me by your side
The hardest thing is
Hearing the busy signal
Or the sound of your message saying you’re not there
But the hardest thing of all is hanging up the phone.

Nadine Schroeder – January 29th, 2008

Motherhood?

If you've met me and talked to me about the future, and if the conversation went to the area of marriage and family, I have always said I would like at least 4 children.
Tonight I planned to babysit for my usual family. They have three kids and I really have grown to love them! I got asked by another family to babysit and because the kids are the same-ish ages and live in next door cabins and the times would work together well, I agreed. This meant babysitting for 6 children! So I babysat for a 6 month old, two 3 year olds (I think they're both around 3), two 6 year olds and a nine year old. I easily could have gotten those ages wrong, but I don't think you will mind. Regardless, I had a funny night. The three kids who I had never babysat for before were thrilled to say the least to be with me and we had fun and my regulars had fun as well. There were very few incidents. Some spilled water, popcorn, and several bouts of tears (as results of the spilled water and desire for more popcorn), but it went well. I can't say that I will plan to have 6 children under the age of 9, but 4 kids still sounds good!

Life on the ship has been really good lately. One of the challenges of being here has been being 18 with most of my friends here being over the age of 23. This has been fine and I have loved all of my friends and have grown close to lots of them, but I basically had to grow up quicker. It wasn't hard since my siblings are sooooo old (just kidding) and I've always had to hang out with older people, but it has been hard because 25 year olds have different thought then 18 year olds, so I've quickly grown up.

However, about two weeks ago a girl from Australia who is my age came. We've bonded really quickly and have had so much fun. I can act my age again. I laugh way more, am louder, and I'm being more social and doing stuff. We have a tradition of playing SKIP-BO and drinking tea. It's good. It truly is a blessing from God because I was so doubting being here and was becoming so lonely, but it's getting a lot better. I chose not to write about it too much because I thought that you know, I'm here for God, but I am learning that God
gives us desires and fulfills them, in His time. He is good!

.... Imitating ....

One really good thing about my parents being here was that my Mom brought some devotional books. I read one of them in one sitting (it wasn't that difficult, but it was beautiful -Epic by John Eldridge --co-author of Captivating) and two of the others are 30-day devo books, and I am really proud of myself. I've never been good at committing to a book or committing to doing devo's, but I am 15 days strong (I sound like a drug-user!). Though the book itself isn't the best, it gets me to read some scripture each day so it's great to be reading the Bible and actually talking to God.


One quick prayer request. We sail tomorrow back to Liberia. Please pray that all goes well and that the outreach in Liberia is good. Liberia has been really dangerous lately and there are a lot of political and yeah, lots of issues there, so pray as well for our safety as we head back. There are a lot of new crew who are hearing of Liberia and are quite fearful to go out there. Pray that God keeps us safe and that we are willing to be used by Him and not scared of what might happen. At the end of the day, living for the King of all Kings is a whole lot better than sitting still simply being scared.

I hope you're doing good. I'd love if you left a comment. It's nice to hear who's reading!

Family Days

So for the past two weeks, my parents have been here with me. They arrived on January 9th. It was so fun to be at the airport just waiting knowing that I would see them.

Coming here to Africa, I didn't expect to be homesick or to need things from home but I have missed my family and friends (and all y'all whoever you are) so very much, and I appriciate so many things so much more, so it was just really special to have seen them.

Over 34 years of marriage and still so in love!

This was the view from the beach by our hotel. I was able to have 3 days off plus a weekend so we headed to a hotel and hung out.

One day my Dad went golfing (suprise suprise!) so Mom and I went on a walk to a little town a few minutes away from our hotel. It took us FOREVER because we kept taking pictures of rocks in the ocean and waves and boats and each other and lots of things, but it was really fun!



This thing here is a natural swimming pool. We didn't go in, but it would have been fun!
We rented a car and drove up a crazy road. Dad HATED it. Lynette, you would have hated it. It was winding so much.


There were lots of boat tours to see whales and dolphins but we didn't go.

The rest of these are all from Loro Parque. If you're ever in Tenerife, which I don't expect you to be, you should definately go. It's a zoo/aquarium and it's just amazing. We went to sea-lion, dolphin, whale, and parrot shows. They also had a huge penguin display with hundreds of penguins.

The sea lions were very very funny!

This is where the parrot show was.

You may get drenched.

You will get wet!

These whals live in 22 million litres of water!

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

I love you and miss you like crazy!

Mom 'n Dad - Thanks!

My fingers ache as I play this song

'Cause I haven't picked up my guitar in so long

I think it's because I've been afraid to say

What I really think

And you know I cannot lie when I sing

And I lay down the load

Endlessly I think about the possibility

Of reconciliation between you and me

But there is no road

Where I don't have to lay down my load

Of pride, bitterness, and jealousy
I see how it all worked out

I see how he laid these stepping stones before me

For my own good

And I lay down the load

The line in the song, that is bolded and italicized is a line that spoke rather profoundly to me yesterday. It's a thought that's run through me a lot lately.

When I struggle with God, when I am fighting His love, and when I have 'my load of pride bitterness, and jealousy' I find it easy to 'ache as I play' my songs because I know that 'I'm afraid to say what I really mean' and because I know as well as God knows, that 'I cannot lie when I sing'.

When I struggle the most I don't dare let myself sing. Well, I'll sing, but I won't write songs and I won't find passion in music. I'll find pride in music, but I won't find peace.

In the past week I think I've written 5 songs.

It makes me smile because it's not that they're any good. Maybe 2 of them would be ones I would ever desire to record, but really, that's the least that matters.

I just want to praise my King.

So I'll sing,

and I'll

lay down the load.